Lori Bregman is a renowned doula, life coach, healer and author of, The Mindful Mom to Be. She is also the founder of the Rooted for Life Pregnancy Coaching Program, a complete mind, body and spirit support system that helps women throughout fertility, pregnancy and birth as they transition into new motherhood. Here she shares 10 ways to stay calm and rock on; how to best be present in your pregnancy and role as a new mama.
Whether you are a stay home mom or a working mom as wonderful as it is, being a mom can be stressful. Let’s face it, it’s not easy in today’s world to stay super chill. With the internet, social media, social, work, relationship, family and financial obligations there just doesn’t seem to be enough time to get it all done or to squeeze in much needed downtime to unwind and catch a breath, plus all the pressure , fear and comparison we trip ourselves up with and lets not forget about the projections and judgments from others . The combo of all the above is a recipe to make anyone’s head spin. Here are a few ways to help you stay calm and ROCK on.
1. Schedule yourself into your life – If mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy. It’s hard to be present and patient when you haven’t taken the time to recharge and fill yourself back up . When you do this your children will be getting the best of you not what is left of you. Also energy is contagious, as a mother you hold a space for and carry an energy that your children will ride off of . The better you feel, the calmer you will be, the more relaxed you are , the more relaxed your kids will be .
2. Focus on yourself – In all my years of working with pregnant women and new mamas I have never seen a woman, pregnancy, birth, child, relationship or family that are the same. When you compare yourself to others you will loose what is true for you. We all have different strengths, limits and ways on how we operate. Focus on yourself and explore what feels right for you .
3. Be present – I love this quote, “ 99% of the things you worry about never happen”. I see so many women that are trying to get pregnant, are pregnant, or already are a mom that worry about the what if’s … When you focus on the “what might be” it takes you out of this present moment (The only thing that is real). The “what if’s are just projections and speculations, focusing and spending so much of your time and energy on stuff that might never happen will cause you only stress. If you find your self doing this, take a breath, and call back your energy, say to yourself todays date and acknowledge what is going on right here and now. Know that this present moment is all there really is. The past is gone and the future hasn’t happened yet. The choices you make right now are creating the future.
4. Rock your authentic self – There is no such thing as perfect, striving for it will only make you suffer. Each one of us is special in our own unique way. Be true to yourself and express your own badassness. When you try to live up to a certain standard that might have been projected onto you from your family or society that isn’t really you, its exhausting and not to mention depressing to try and be something you aren’t. Free yourself and live from your truth , when you do this you will have so much more energy, be happier and magnetically draw in your authentic tribe .
5. Take care of your body – “If you don’t take care of your body where will you live?” The better you take care of your body the better you will feel. Eat a diet full of rich, whole, organic, unprocessed, hormone free foods . Cut back or cut out unhealthy habits such as drinking and smoking. Move your body daily , exercise releases endorphins and if you really want to feel amazing add some yoga to your life .
6. Practice self-love and self-acceptance – The way you feel about yourself on the inside manifests on the outside. The more accepting of yourself you are, the more accepting you will be of others, including your children. The most judgmental people are usually the hardest on themselves. Take time to do loving things for you, talk nicely about yourself and treat yourself with respect. Give gratitude daily for your life, your health, your body and all your accomplishments. Instead of beating yourself up about something you did that you didn’t like, find self-compassion for yourself. Connect with the lesson that you learned (as there is always one ) and acknowledge that you did your best with what you knew at the time. Now you know more and will apply this lesson down the road .
7. Create a morning and bedtime ritual for yourself – The way you go to sleep and the way you start your day sets the pace for how well you will sleep through the night as well as how your day will unfold once you wake. As a parent you naturally transition your child to sleep by feeding them a healthy dinner, giving them a soothing bath or reading them a book. In the morning you might want to give them a bit of down time to ease your child into their day. Be mindful about the food you give them and how they react to it. It’s a no brainer and easy to do for your kids so they succeed and thrive. I invite you now to do the same for YOURSELF, carve out some precious transition time for you in the morning and evening.
8. Find your tribe and love them hard – My friends are one of the biggest blessings in my life . I see so many women that compete , gossip, are jealous and caddie with one another. Life is way to short and precious to spend your time with people that suck the life out of you. When you find those special friends, where you have each others back, who make you feel great and inspired , heard , seen and supported, cherish and appreciate them ! Women supporting women , we need more of that in this world .
9. Set boundaries – Just do it – During pregnancy and when you’re a new mom EVERYONE will be projecting their views and ways onto you about the way they did it or think it should be done. Protect yourself from the projections and horror stories that others will love to tell you about. Remember what I said above about no two women are the same. Just because they had that experience or knew of someone who did, doesn’t mean that will be your experience. You have every right to set boundaries and say, “I know you mean well, but I’m trying to stay in a good healthy head space. So unless you have something positive to say that will help inspire me about birth or motherhood, I would prefer not to hear it.” Setting boundaries can be challenging at first, but it gets easier once you start feeling better after setting them.