If you and hubby have been feeling a bit distant from one another lately, chances are you’re not getting hot and heavy enough as you should. Sure, at the end of a long day at the office, after putting the overtired and perhaps obstinate babes to bed, you both probably can’t wait to turn off the lights and get some much-needed shut-eye, but your relationship might be taking a toll because of it. Countless studies have reiterated the health benefits of regular sex, both emotional and physical — including better stress management at work. Former researcher at the University of the West of Scotland and clinical psychologist Stuart Brody, Ph.D explained to Women’s Health that individuals who get between the sheets at least once every two weeks are better at handling stressful situations at the workplace, whether that’s during a big presentation or adapting to an unforeseen business obstacle. Along with sounder sleep, improved mood and overall happiness, there’s nothing like a good night of sex to help give us a bit of a spring in our step and that covetable natural glow the next morning. Overall, regular sex ensures that you and your partner are keeping that necessary spark in your relationship.
If you’ve been having regular sex but haven’t been feeling that satisfying after-glow, it might be time for you and your partner to mix things up a bit. Communication is key not only for a sound partnership, but also for truly great times in the bedroom. We also love natural products that give us a little bit of that lusty boost when we need one. We love Moonjuice’s Sex Dust, packed with adaptogenic superherbs including schisandra, maca, and epimedium (aka “horny goat weed”, no joke!) that together act as an aphrodisiac and de-stressor that you can add to your morning smoothie or coffee. A number of everyday spices also have libido-boosting effects, believe it or not; nutmeg, cloves, and saffron all help to spark some extra sexual energy.
Last but not least, never underestimate the power of some new lingerie. There’s nothing like the confidence boost that comes with some new intimates (Chantelle and Kiki de Montparnasse are two of our go-to’s) to make you feel sexy and add a new level of spice to you and your partner’s sex life. Or, even elevating your around-the-house wardrobe (you can do better than sweatpants, mamas!) can help do the trick and bring out that sensual side that’s been in hiding. LUNYA’s comfy and sexy intimates are simple but beautiful, an effortless way to hold your partner’s gaze for a little bit longer, even when you’re just kicking back at home. They’ll definitely appreciate the extra effort — even if it doesn’t stay on for too long!
2) Couples workouts!
Sex already makes for great cardio (ahem), but the next time you’re looking to break a sweat more formally, bring your partner with you and tackle the workout session together. This is a great way to find some extra motivation if you’re one who struggles with getting your butt to the gym, and moreover, will create some sexual excitement between you two. You’ll both love watching each other break a sweat and tone up in your workout gear, all while doing your own mind and body good in the process. Start off with some partner stretches and squats, and you’ll be headed back to your own bedroom soon thereafter…
Being present and courteous of one another’s presence and feelings is a powerful and simple way to demonstrate your love and gratitude for your partner.
3) Be grateful for each other and your relationship.
Whether you’ve been together for one year or 10, it’s important to reflect on and remind yourself of why this person is special to you – really, why you’ve decided to embark on the uncertain but exciting journey of love and parenthood together in the first place! One of the primary reasons relationships fail is because we start taking each other for granted, or forget why that person holds the special place they have in our lives.
Try to treat each day as a new adventure for the both of you. Of course not every day is going to be happy or ultra-romantic, but continuing to do those nice and thoughtful small things for your partner that they loved at the beginning of the relationship (even before the littles came into the picture) can make all the difference for your relationship dynamic. Whether it’s agreeing to watch the kids while one of you clears your head at the gym, cooking his favorite meal for him as a “Welcome home!” on a random Tuesday, or even the smallest quirky gift representative of an inside joke that you two have shared since the first day you met — sometimes, all it takes is a small gesture of love.
4) Be present in each other’s company and LISTEN.
We live in a world of distractions and constant stimulation — we’re tuned into social media seemingly 24/7, and checking our phones at least every few minutes. Though it’s tempting to answer every text and e-mail we receive right away (What if there’s a work crisis at 10pm?), this can spell trouble at home for our relationships, when we need this time to make the most of the quality time with both our partner and our kiddos. In other words, when you’re with your partner, there’s one thing you can do to make them feel loved and appreciated: listen. Leave your phone to charge in another room in “Do Not Disturb” mode, snuggle up on the couch and give each other your full, undivided attention to catch up and check-in, especially if one of you has had a rough day and needs to vent. Being present and courteous of one another’s presence and feelings is a powerful and simple way to demonstrate your love and gratitude for your partner.
5) Schedule something to look forward to (just for you two!).
Schedule a trip to look forward to, or take a weekend and head to a bed & breakfast or hotel where you two can spend some quality time and reconnect with some privacy. And forget about feeling guilty. Taking this time to recharge can be instrumental in tackling not only relationship troubles you two might be experiencing, but will allow you to have clear heads, and to better approach new obstacles with the kiddos and touch base about what you each need more help with. You’ll come back to reality refreshed, reconnected, and will be better partners and parents because of it.
And it doesn’t have to be an extravagant vacation by any means. Get creative and tap into your inner child (aren’t we’re all just big children trying to come across as if we have our s*** together?) and think about those things you’ve always wanted to explore, try out, or experience — even if it’s something out of you or your partner’s comfort zone. Finding a shared hobby is a fantastic way to fortify your bond, and makes it so you both can mentally escape from the worlds of work and parenting for even just a little while. Maybe it’s a chocolate-making class where you get to gobble down all your handmade treats at the end, a new museum exhibit, wine-tasting, enjoying a night at a music festival, hunting down one of those awesome foods that you see on Instagram that looks too good to be real…Whatever it is you want to do together, pull out your calendars and set a date — in pen, not pencil, that is.
C’mom mamas! We’re the masters of multitasking. All it takes to invigorate your relationship is a little extra fun. Let us know how it goes, and share your tips and experiences in the comments below. Good luck!