LESSONS FROM LINDA
Alicia Quarles is no stranger to the spotlight, with a career that has taken her from the red carpets of the Academy Awards to the breaking news desks of major media outlets. Recognized by Cosmopolitan as one of their "50 Most Forward-Thinking, Disruptive People," Alicia has carved out a space for herself as a dynamic and influential voice in journalism. Her contributions to Good Morning America 3, E! News, and The Associated Press, among others, showcase her versatility and commitment to excellence.
Yet, beyond the accolades and high-profile assignments, Alicia's heart beats with the lessons imparted by her beloved mother, Terry Linda Quarles. As she navigates life with the grace and strength her mother embodied, Alicia invites us into her world with "Lessons from Linda." This blog post is a tribute to a woman who not only shaped Alicia's path but also continues to inspire resilience and courage in the face of life's greatest challenges.
LESSONS FROM LINDA
My Mother, Terry Linda Quarles, was simply the best person I’ve known. That is because she was my person. If you have been blessed enough to have a great mother, perhaps your mom is the best of the best to you. If you were not fortunate enough to have or know your mother, or have a good mother, I hope these lessons from Linda resonate with you _ and all of us.
My mom passed away four days before Mother’s Day, a year ago. It was just as we were planning to celebrate my first year of being a new mom to a set of twins, Harlow and Hudson, at the age of 41.
This surprise pregnancy and healthy births were big reasons for us to celebrate. I wanted to be a mom for so long, but feared I had missed my window. Additionally, I had recently gone through a mental health crisis which my family, friends and therapist ushered me through, along with my strong, hilarious, classy and tenacious mother leading the way in my recovery.
When my mom passed away unexpectedly at the age of 70, right when I was so fresh in my mental healing and motherhood, many people thought I would fall apart. Instead, I did the opposite. I gained strength. I leaned into grief, feelings, honesty, bravery and healing. As many of you have experienced, grief is a wave. It’s a beast. It’s beautiful and painful. I am able to process my mom not physically being here, and truly smile most days because I lean into the lessons from Linda. My mother was an educator and lived to help others. I am sharing some of the things she taught me, and hope they will help you, when you need a little or a lot more strength.
BE STILL AND GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY
I have been a journalist for 21 years. It is a career that has been deeply fulfilling and at times can be brutal and heartbreaking. As with any job, there are things that happen which have been and will continue to be beyond my control. As I would worry about things, and express this worry to my mother (at times, ad nauseam), my mother would tell me to, “be still and get out of your own way.” What she meant by this is if you feel you have done what is within your power to end up with the result you want, stop asking about it, stressing about it and trying to bend the universe to your will. Oftentimes when you do too much, you end up blocking your blessings. Instead, it takes an extreme act of faith to rest assured knowing what is meant to be, will be. If nothing else, my mother operated in faith over fear.
DON’T LOOK BACK - YOU ARE NOT GOING THAT WAY
No one gets through life unscathed. It’s very easy to get stuck in the should have, could have, would haves. My mom (and dad) taught me something that has sustained me during the most difficult moments of my life: don’t look back . . . you are not going that way. I went through a very public mental health crisis. With coming out on the other-side of it, I had a period of time where I kept looking back, regretting the entire situation. I could have been lost in that guilt and shame, and never moved forward in my life. It was my mother who constantly reminded me, keep moving forward and stop beating yourself up. She was a big believer in reflecting on a situation, learning your lesson and moving forward in a positive manner.
TAKE THE RISK
Growing up, we moved all over the country every three years on average thanks to my dad’s job as a newspaper publisher. For some kids, this could have been traumatic experiences, instead our parents made it fun for my sister and me. I owe the fact that I have been willing to take huge risks in my life to my mother. Instead of being afraid of new people, places and things, she looked at change as a time to learn and grow. That led her to a life where she traveled the world including meeting Nelson Mandela, climbing the Great Wall of China, visiting the State Hermitage Museum in Russia, earning her masters degree and being brave enough to switch careers. Were all of the moves, travels and changes easy? No. Did my mother grow from each change and challenge? Yes she did. She approached life with a certain fearlessness and faithfulness that I have modeled in my own life. I knew with hard work, resources and support, I could get back to being the best version of myself. Take the risk.
HELP OTHERS
My mother had a big, beautiful life in part because she poured into others. My mom worked in the medical field and then in education. She was also a humanitarian and community leader. At her homegoing I heard story after story from people whose lives my mom had helped and changed. Another thing she taught me towards the end of her life is that while you must help others, you need to take care of yourself first. This means resting, eating well, and having a work life balance. For much of my mother’s life, she didn’t have that balance and up until two years ago, I didn’t either. Put your life-vest on first and then make sure you are paying it forward. Life is so much better when you give blessings with your blessings.