5 Ways to Combat Burnout

As moms, we wear many hats: chefs, party planners, tutors, nurses, artists, chauffeurs, cleaners, and on and on. Throw in our professional responsibilities, and the list gets even longer. Add in societal expectations of women and mothers and our self-imposed commitments to being the best worker and the best mother (Supermom to the rescue!), well, it‘s no wonder that so many of us have or are currently feeling the mommy burnout. And the last two years of life during a pandemic certainly did not help. And as the world returns to whatever the „new normal“ is, our lives as mothers continue on. Each of us has some version of a non-stop day: from middle-of-the-night wakeups, to lunch prep, to work projects and late nights, homework help, dinner, laundry, etc…oh and getting up and doing it all again. And again. We may laugh about it with our friends and send funny mommy memes to one another late at night, but mommy burnout can potentially be very serious. 

According to HelpGuide, a nonprofit guide to mental health and wellness, burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest and motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place. For moms, in particular, this can lead to the inability to take care of themselves and their families.  

And while it may be difficult to always avoid stress and your personal triggers (social media, in-laws, school, etc) that can lead to burnout, there are things that we can do to help mitigate its impact and longevity.

1. Know the Symptoms

To diagnose the problem, you must first recognize that there is a problem. And, just as important, be okay with working towards a solution. For the sake of our family, ourselves and yes, society, we must take steps to break the daily cycle of stress and exhaustion brought on by societal expectations. 

See below for signs of potential burnout:

Emotional Signs

• Feeling depression or lingering sadness

• Not feeling like you want to participate in social gatherings 

• Feeling avoidant toward activities you used to enjoy doing

• Not having much patience with your kids on a regular basis

• Feeling desperate for some peace and quiet

Physical Signs

• Chronic exhaustion 

• Overeating or undereating

• Struggling with sleep issues or insomnia

• Headaches or migraines

• Increased sense of pain and tension in the body

Behavioral Signs

• Avoiding going out in public, especially with kids

• Escapism and being excessively avoidant, especially with family 

• Struggling at work or feeling like you never want to leave work

• Always moody and impatient

• Fantasizing about running away

And it doesn’t stop with the mom. Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a psychologist who literally wrote the book on mommy burnout, Mommy Burnout,  says: “Mommy burnout affects our entire lives, our work, our relationships, our marriage, our children.” Dr. Ziegler states that when a mother is burned out, her kids are more likely to experience anxiety, trouble sleeping and even physical pain such as bellyaches and headaches.  

2. Get Help

Getting help may sound easier than it actually is, but it is critical. And while we are no longer living in a world where it may be possible for a „village to raise a child“, we have to find our „tribe“. Whether it‘s finding a high school kid to come over once a week to play with our little ones or having grandma be their go-to person for soccer practice, or just finding a different routine with our partner, it starts with communicating your need for help. 

3. Stop Overextending The Kids…and Yourself

By adding more activities for your kids schedule, you are essentially adding more to your own to-do list. Swimming, soccer, dance, band, coding—whatever it is, stop and ask yourself if they actually need one more thing on their (your) calendar. Yes, socializing and learning is important and great, but so is taking a walk with your family or maybe reading a book. By committing your kids to multiple activities, you may be missing out on teaching them important life lessons—making choices, prioritization, commitment and of course, how to not get burned out. Give their schedule (and yours!) a break. 

4. Take a Break

We all deserve a break. Whether it‘s 30 minutes of uninterrupted bathroom time to do our skin routine, a monthly massage, or an overnight hotel stay (or all of the above!). Think of yourself as a phone with less than 2% battery left. If you don‘t plug the phone in, it‘ll shut down entirely. Same goes for ourselves. We need to recharge to work. So find the time. Talk to your tribe. Put something on the calendar. Take the break. 

5. Stop Trying to Be Perfect

By trying to live up to some version of „perfect mom“, „perfect wife“ or „perfect professional“, we are undoubtedly setting ourselves up to fail. Whether it‘s society or our own expectations, perfection is not reality. There is no perfect school. No perfect meal. No perfect costume. No perfect vacation. There is only what is right for you and your family at the moment. Maybe there‘s extra screen time and pizza tonight. There‘s also extra time with the family on the couch. And a great lesson for your kids about what‘s important. So let go of perfection. It’s too heavy of a burden to bear. 

The good news/bad news is that we are not alone. Mother.ly’s 2021 survey on the state of motherhood found that 93% of moms (of a pool of 11,000 participants) report feeling burned out. So while it may seem that we as moms are all on our own, we do not need to be. Let‘s be vocal about our feelings of exhaustion and stress. Let‘s exchange memes. Let‘s check in on one-another. Let‘s do babysitting exchanges so that we can give each other a break. Let‘s meet for coffee or wine. Let‘s change the narrative of society‘s expectations and our own.